Oh hey there all you people out in the land of the living, because I’m not quite sure what that looks like right now. I am alive, mind you, but Spring Break has come and gone and left me pining for a lazy Sunday night where Monday doesn’t stare at me so threateningly. Sitting here in bed on said Sunday evening, coming off a nice long “sprinter’s” (that’s spring and winter combined because south Georgia’s weather can’t.make.a.decision) nap, finding myself very awake (oh but that nap, though) and not quiiite ready for shut-eye because I’m rested (a foreign concept I can’t explain), I begin to checklist the week ahead.
*alarm set for 6:45 (prepared for the snooze button at least 3 times) Let’s talk about this y’all. Getting awake early is NOT MY THING. It never has been. I can be totally nice in the morning but not with words or smiles– just grunts with eyes shut, mummy-sounding hums while drinking coffee, or by driving you to school. These are ways I show niceties and love in the morning. And while I know that school’s tardy bell rings at 8 AM, 6:45 is the legit earliest I can start interrupting my sleep. It’s not nice to wake up so early. Who knew my iPhone could be so RUDE? School, please start at 10 AM next year. Shoot… life: start at 10 AM…
*lunch boxes packed (A.K.A. bane of my existence at this point in the school year) Listen, I’m all for packing my kids a lunch come August. It’s a gleeful send-off at the beginning of the school year; an edible reward for making it through the summer. Like, kid: I love you, I miss you. I’ll pack you, dear love, a nutritious lunch box so that you’ll have food for brain stimulation, nourishment for you to learn your fractions and spelling words! Here are some nitrate free, gluten-less, low sodium turkey slices, organic apple wedges with no skin and no preservatives, sliced cucumbers adorned with sea salt flakes from some Norwegian water source, and goat cheese procured from the local dairy. All of this sweetly packed with a petite bottle of San Pellegrino, a napkin (!) and a note that proclaims my love for you and declares that you are the sweetest love in all the world. Fast forward 100+ days (I know this because we celebrated that “holiday” with counting 100 crumbs from my sofa cushions and hot gluing them in a fancy array on a white t-shirt with yellow pit stains from your father) and here’s a hot dog that no doubt has nitrates because it’s made from lips and fannies of pigs and sawdust from the factory floor (and you can eat it cold, promise) in addition to red dye #5, an unwashed Cutie tangerine you can peel yo’self (you’ve got fingers, use them!), with a Capri Sun because those suckers were BOGO at Publix this week, and some soy sauce packs from the Chinese delivery we got last night because nothing says “I love you, kid” like a liquid dose of sodium. Consider it a salty kiss.
*laundry done/clothes laid out I folded the last load before wrestling putting the kids to bed, and I have to tell you that when one does a load of laundry with a little boy’s bottoms with pockets in it, there is no telling what the end result may be. This particular load included, besides clothing– golf tees, rocks that look like “lava” he says, and two pieces of chewing gum *still with wrapper somewhat attached* that found a place to perch on one of the daughter’s brand new shirts smack on the front in the most noticeable way. (Here begins tomorrow’s to do list-gum removal.) However, the girls have their uniforms cleaned and ready. {Side note: uniforms were sent from heaven. No quarreling in the morning about what to wear — Shirt? Red or blue (no white here. I didn’t purchase those suckers ’cause I’m not fighting chocolate pudding and red clay stains on those). Pants? The khaki ones or the khaki ones. (Swoon) Skirt? Plaid or plaid. (More swoon) I dig a uniform.} The one child that still gets to wear what he wants wears what his mama wants and picks out the night before (and that doesn’t have any gum on the front).
*calendar outlined/Uber lineup Days have been scheduled with dance classes and baseball practices and baseball games and orthodontist appointments and club meetings and art viewing at our local mall. I’m already tired thinking about all that driving to and fro. In fact, I probably need to purchase some carbon credits because of all the gas green house emissions that I produce from my SUV. Alas, this is my current career path, chauffeuring children in my very own UberBLACK. Thing is, my clientele doesn’t tip well. The fringe benefits of my cabbie-ing is used kleenex, breakfast cookie wrappers, and rocks that look like lava. Thanks, y’all. I’d appreciate a good rating.
But only 5 more Mondays, my friends. I think I can I think I can.
I’m already looking forward to my nap tomorrow. Good night!
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