15 years ago, I said “yes” to taking the reigns of an untamed horse that I thought sure my naive “Enneagram 8” self could domesticate. And 15 years later he is wilder a bit more subdued but with a greyer mane, and three foals (who are equally as feral) added to the fold. It’s ok. I like him that way. Most of the time.
Ole Al.
21 years and some months ago in April, we met at Spring Break in PCB (Panama City Beach, Florida for those of y’all not fortunate enough to be on a first name basis with it). Right outside of the Moondrifter or Moonspinner or something like that, a mutual friend of ours introduced the two of us and I gave him a bear hug (because that’s what you do when you see a cute teddy bear and I’m a hugger) and said something along the lines of “nice to meet ya,” and we both went our separate ways spring breakin’. Next day, lying out on the beach with my girl friends, I told that mutual friend of ours that I was going to marry him and have children with him, too. I really did. God let me know on that beautiful beach that day that I had met the one that He had made for me to tame to love. It was one of those “I just know” moments that makes my soul sing. We didn’t even go on an official date until some months later, but we’ve been together ever since that June 20th first date to Plantation Grille…
Young Al.
But it’s not all sunsets and beaches, y’all. In our fifteen years of marriage, I’ve learned a few things. One of which is that there is no taming (see also: controlling, fixing) a person you’re in covenant with. Throw all your expectations out the window. All of them. Like that once you two get married he will realize that the toilet paper roll goes that way and moreover he’ll actually put it on the tp holder. Because he won’t. Perhaps even that he’ll put his dirty clothes in the cute clothes basket y’all got from your wedding registry. Because he won’t do that either. There is only training. Sort of like a circus animal. Pavlov’s dog sort of style. For instance, I’ve learned to utter the words “I’m hot” and bam, Al hits the fan switch. Fill the trash can to overflowing with lots of dripping things and he’ll finally take it out. Pick up a hammer or a screw driver or a wrench to “fix” something and all of a sudden he’s Bob “La”Vela.{PCB reference for clarity}(Just kidding. He picks up his cell phone to call someone to do it). Make a list of things that need doing and boom- he’s teleported to the golf course where he gets “spotty” cell service. Use the check card at a boutique and, like magic, my cell phone rings. Training. This is, in fact, our circus and our monkeys. And I really, really love our circus master. (And I cant wait to hear him talk about the expectations he had of me…I know one involves cooking…hehehehe)
Fun Al.
I’ve also learned that marriage is H.A.R.D. Hard hard. When one imperfect person marries another perfect (ahem) imperfect person, the head-on collisions are real. Sprinkle in some offspring and we’re talking roadside airlift helicopter scenarios. There are days that you have to remind yourself that you actually really do love the other one even if it seems like a stretch of truth to say you like him or her. And if you’ve never felt that way then a) you’ve not been married very long or b) you’re lying. And just to yourself because no other married couple would believe you nor would your very own spouse. Just sayin’. But alas, you keep sticking with it (AKA fake it ‘til you make it) and then you all of a sudden realize that was a passing feeling. The fact that he cooked a yummy meal that included wine and dessert helps (even when I wasn’t likable either).
Patient Al.
And the last little bit of wisdom I’ll impart is that you’ve got to really work at keeping things interesting and surprising. Work work work work work (sung to the tune of Rihanna). Things can go stale after 15 years… I’m happy to say we have freshness down pat. We do new fun things together all the time like navigating tire blowouts, going to Lowe’s to buy lightbulbs and wall anchors, forwarding coupons we get in our inbox that we know the other would appreciate, leaving the toilet seat up in the middle of the night (that has to be one of my favorites), playing games like Roshambo to decide who gets to clean up the dog diarrhea first thing in the morning…I mean get it? We are FUN!! In fact, for our anniversary this year, we cleaned out our shower drain that had been clogging and argued about whose hair was thinning the most. It was truly a memory I won’t soon forget. Is the 15th Anniversary gift supposed to be hard water buildup and hairballs?
Balding Al. (Hahaha! He’s really not. He’s got lots of hair in his mane.)
15 years and 3 kids. Geez. When I really stop and think about it, I feel my soul sing. Like the lyrics to the television show I wasn’t allowed to watch (so don’t ask me how I know to quote them…sorry mom. The song just sucked me in every time) sung by Frank Sinatra:
Love and marriage, love and marriage
They go together like a horse and carriage
This I’ll tell you brother
You can’t have one without the other
Love and marriage, love and marriage
It’s an institute you can’t disparage
Ask the local gentry
And they will say it’s elementary
Try, try, try to separate them
It’s an illusion
Try, try, try, and you will only come
To this conclusion
Love and marriage, love and marriage
They go together like a horse and carriage
Dad was told by mother
You can’t have one without the other
Love and marriage- My Al.
We go together like a wild horse driven by a bossy carriage driver with love as the bit and forever long reigns.
Now let me steer this carriage to the local Walgreens and pick up some Rogaine and Mane and Tail Thickening Shampoo that my sweet hubby emailed me a coupon for…
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