6 Mo. Check Up

6 months, y’all. 6 months since our world was shooketh when our communities shut down on a Friday the 13th. UGH. Coronavirus.

So I thought I’d give myself (and you) a little six month checkup.

First up, a health questionnaire:

How are your eating habits? Mine too. We’ll just leave that one blank.

How are you sleeping? With one eye open, when I can. Otherwise, it’s often sleep filled with nightmares about a pandemic and an election year and unrest in our country ALL AT ONE TIME. Wait…

Naps? Killing them. I’m the CEO of snoozing.

Developmentally, would you say you are doing things on target? You mean, like wearing a face mask correctly? And sneezing into my elbow? And washing my hands after every time I touch something? Yep. Also, I’m sitting up instead of just lying around on my back more than I was before, and rolling over is a cinch what with my more rounded out figure. Don’t place me at the top of a hill, that’s all I’m saying. And I smile at things now, but you wouldn’t know it because facemask.

Are you teething? Clenching and gritting, is all. And at this rate, going to wear them down to nubs if the next six months are anything like the previous six.

How about language skills? I’ve created new strings of curse words, and now use words like “Zoom,” “social distancing,” and “wash your darn hands” on a daily basis. I also grunt randomly and make lots of sighing noises under my mask.

How are you interacting with the world around you? Are we even allowed? I’m trying to be around people. I need people. It’s hard to read faces behind these masks, so my interactions are looking different. But I’m trying.

Now, a physical checkup:

Step on the scale please. Um, hard pass.

Let’s measure you. Your tape measure isn’t long enough.

Well, let’s just do a visual check for health… I ain’t got the ‘rona! And I’m just fine under my new uniform of masks and mumus!

Ok, how about your ears? They are currently bleeding because of all of the political ads. And the bee-hinds of them are raw from mask straps. Otherwise, check out my earrings. I’ve gotten some good online shopping in over these past few months and these puppies are cute!

Well, that about wraps up our visit. At the six months checkup, you are due for the following vaccinations: Coronavirus Unfortunately, we don’t even have that yet, so we can wait until your 12 month checkup. HOPEFULLY, we will have one then.

HOPEFULLY.

But the good news is, even if we don’t have a vaccination by that point, I’ll have some more new earrings to show you because I’m sitting up like a big guhl and shopping and grinning (behind my face mask), and I’ll teach you even more new word strings I’ve learned like “the election is over” and “Praise the LORD!” all while rolling down a hill screaming even more new curse word combinations muffled by my face mask.

Looking forward to it. I’ve missed y’all.